I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You need a sexual gate keeper
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
