that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
