woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
