Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
