Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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