The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
