shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Found the puke drawer
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
