Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
