I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
