There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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