totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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