I think I died a long time ago.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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