you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
