that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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