so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
