The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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