You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
