I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
