You're completely useless in the revolution.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
