You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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