Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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