8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
