he wants to bone in the snuggie
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
