i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
