"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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