dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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