in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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