It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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