I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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