I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
