vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
