i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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