Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You are a genius and a whore.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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