Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
