I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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