I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
