This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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