Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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