don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
