i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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