so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
