BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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