i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
