i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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