is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just pee around me
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
