That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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