This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
