But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
