Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
