I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
