Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
