Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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