there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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